You guys. Moms love weddings. I always knew this to be the case, because when have you ever heard of a mom who doesn’t love weddings. But once I became a mom I got it even more. Moms love weddings because they are culminating events for their dearest and most darling children. It’s a day when moms wipe their tears and remember when you were little and snuggled with them on the sofa, or that time that you threw up on your shoes during school picture day, or the time when you asked where babies come from during an uncomfortable family dinner. It’s a day for remembering and celebrating. And they get to be a little bit of the center of attention, which everyone loves.
I work with a lot of couples who are fortunate to have moms that are helpful and collaborative in wedding planning, but there is always the occasion when tensions with parents run high. You all have a lot of decisions to make and a lot of people to try to please. But I insist – not knowing you or your mom or your relationship at all – that your mom will appreciate you including and validating her even just a little bit. To help, I came up with a list of just five little things you can do to make your mom happy on your wedding day.
(And yes, it’s still all about you, don’t worry. Just give her a little bit. She’ll be so grateful.)
- Give your mom a wedding-related task that won’t suck up her free time or all of her money, but will help her to feel involved. She wants to be involved! She wants to help! For my wedding, my mom rented the sound system from which we played our iPod play list. She was thrilled. Give her something, anything, and she’ll be grateful to have a role.
- Ask her what photos are important to her. Yes, like I said, it’s totally all about you. But these are your parents, for goodness sake, and you know they may want some photos for themselves of this special day. Maybe it’s a photo with her book club or with her sisters or a photo of you with all of your cousins or just a photo of you two together. Ask her what photos are important and then tell your photographer, so that we can make sure we get those photos before the day is over.
- Give her some flowers. It doesn’t have to be an old-school corsage, but a flower or a small bouquet helps your mom feel special and allows her to be recognized as an important person on your big day. Ask her what she would like and then have your florist design something just for her. Let her stand out a little.
- Introduce her to your friends. Weddings are weird because it’s a confluence of your friends and family members who don’t know each other and may not ever see each other again. But your mom is an important lady, and she likely wants to know the people who are important to you. She may not be brave enough to introduce herself to others, so be sure that you take her hand and introduce her to your nearest and dearest. Help her shine.
- Thank her. And I don’t mean thank her for your wedding, since I know many of you pay for and plan your weddings on your own. But thank her for being your mom. Moms work hard. She wiped your butt and drove you to soccer practice and held your hand on the first day of school. She washed your underwear and told you about periods and listened to you cry about a broken friendship. Even if she wasn’t the best mom in the world, she taught you something about being smart and interesting and independent. And now you’re married. It’s a big day for your mom. Thank her for being there for you. Then go back to the dance floor.